My Humaness

What do I do now- a- days? To be honest, nothing really and nothing much. I'm not talented in music, crafts, making projects, nor in anything real creative. Should this be something to complain about? I think not, since I cannot do anything about it. I do, however, enjoy doing these things: taking pics, meeting people, writing some poems and stories, but I don't do any of those things for a living. Most times I feel stuck, like I'm in a prison. Not in a bad way, but only like I cannot be able to live on my own, for I do not make enough $ to financially provide for myself. Can it be that satan may be whispering lies to me, that I am less than what I should be? Hmm, if maybe i did this or that? Hmm, if only i worked harder in life. Hmm, if only...Don't you hate that procrastination! I do, but it's something that I have to fight against most of my life. I do not really know my identity, except of what the Bible says, that I'm a daughter of Elohim. I'm also His soldier and so much wonderful things! Shouldn't that be enough for me?! When will i ever just accept with where I am in life, in the right now and just be satisfied in this moment?! Maybe if i live on my own, I'll be happy. Maybe if i was a missionary, I'll be happy. Maybe if i was married, I'll be happy. Maybe if i was single, I'll be happy. Maybe if i advanced in the aid of rescuing people, I'll be happy. Maybe if i was prettier and stronger, I'll be happy. It's not the issue of obtaing lots of things to me, but rather the character and person of who I AM that matters to me. This is my struggle! Who am I in this world? What am i supposed to be doing? I'm not satisfied, b/c I am not who i have wanted to be for so long. All I know is that I must hand this heavy burden over to the Lord before i destroy myself and waste away this gift called life. So Adonai, come and fill me. I once heard someone say that we will never be satisfied in this world, b/c we are longing for You. Why should I feast on men-let alone them feast on me?! Never! Why would i feast on strangers, allowing them to make me "happy"-let alone to have them feast on me?! Never! Why should i go to objects and things, including money, to let them give me temporary satisfaction, when I can go to my Bridegroom one and only Lover Elohim? Why welcome lusts and evil passions to dine with me and then to sleep with me?! If I could say, "As long as I live, may that Never happen!" But i cannot say this, for i myself am not even faithful. Thanks be to God that I can, however, can say,"God's favor is perfect in weakness and is sufficient for me! Elohim is my Portion, Passion, Satisfier within the Vows, and is more than enough for me! HE IS FAITHFUL!" So i may not do much in this world or the right now phase of my life, but you can know that I WILL BOAST in Adonai Elohim for as long as i shall live-even beyond my grave, for He has done amazing things and works in my entire life! He is my Savior! Yes, I boast in Him now-a-days!